Moms Lead The Way

I am so not a morning person. But when Seattle Pacific University invited me last spring to their annual business breakfast to hear Carly Fiorina speak, it was enticing enough to make the sacrifice. 

I set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. and drove into Seattle to eat a fruit compote and listen to the former CEO of Hewlett-Packard. I am sometimes suspicious of hype and fame, and had certainly heard and read a bit about the controversial Carly—who had consistently been named Fortune’s #1 most powerful business woman in America. 

Carly exceeded my expectations. She was articulate, intelligent, intuitive, and insightful. She spoke about the humiliation of being ousted from HP; she talked about staying relevant in the business world; she discussed her current efforts with micro loans to women in the developing world. But it was her discussion of the differences between managers and leaders that intrigued me.

Managers, Carly said, are those who keep things going in the business world. They ensure that teams meet their targets; policies are followed; products are created to meet consumer demands. Leaders, however, have different roles. They focus on leading indicators rather than lagging indicators—trends and new directions instead of last quarter’s financials. 

Under Carly’s definition, leaders should anticipate the future, and prepare and shape the workforce to be ready to handle the changes and challenges on the horizon. (Were the leaders at Polaroid considering the shift from film to digital photography?)

Her presentation certainly made me think about my role as a manager and a leader at work, but it also made me think about my role as a manager and a leader at home. My household needs a manager: someone who pays the bills, makes the beds, prepares the meals and essentially keeps things running like a well-oiled machine. But frankly, if I’m just handling “manager” duties in my home, I could probably hire competent help to handle most of these chores. My children need more than Mom-the-Manager. They need a Mom who thinks like a leader—a parent who looks into the distance and ensures that day-to-day moments are informing their character, shaping their values and preparing them for the future.

As a mom, I can over-focus on management and less on leadership. On any given day, when I’m not working outside the home, I spend the bulk of my energies on chores and preserving order. I like to rationalize that organization—a place for everything and everything in its place—allows me to be super spontaneous with the kids. Wanna go sledding? I know exactly which labeled storage bin contains mittens, hats, and snow clothes. Wanna head out of town for the weekend? I have pre-packed toiletry kits for everyone. 

Don’t compliment me on this stuff. It’s a serious disorder. Telling me I’m uber-organized is akin to telling an anorexic person that she looks lovely. I took 10 weeks off work when I gave birth to my  twins 8 year ago. When I wasn’t feeding, burping and changing Ryan and Paige, I was re-organizing the kitchen cupboards, cleaning closets, and organizing my socks. The week I returned to work, I asked my daughter Megan, 4 at the time, if she was sad that I wouldn’t be at home as much. “Well,” Megan said, “the house has been really, really clean while you’ve been home, Mommy.” Ouch.

So there’s a constant voice in my head prodding me to align my goals and values with my time and action. Ask me what I want my kids to be like when they grow up, and I’d answer that I want them to be caring, compassionate souls. I’d love to see them passionately engaged in work that makes a difference. I’d like them to be fun, joyful people who know how to play hard and work hard. I want them to know God intimately and be able to love deeply because they know they are well-loved. 

Four years ago, my kids dreamed up “backward dinner night” on Thursdays where we start with dessert and work our way backward through entrees to salads and appetizers. It’s crazy but fun, especially when friends come over or when the kids get to explain to wait staff at restaurants that we’re having dessert first. 

This year, with the gnawing sense that I need to re-evaluate priorities, we’ve started celebrating Every Monday Matters. The kids helped me shop and make cards to welcome a neighbor’s baby and then walked over to their home to deliver the basket. We made dinner together to deliver to a sick friend. We created St. Patrick’s day buckets with lotions and soaps and candy to give out to the elderly at a nearby retirement home. On one hot afternoon, we made lemonade and cookies and gave them out for free at the park. Amazingly, people were nonplussed by the idea that we were giving treats away–no strings attached. 

It’s not just that I want my kids to think outside of themselves, though I certainly want that. I’m hoping that it helps them form an everyday habit of gratitude for what they have and a sense of pleasure and fun in doing things for others. Problems like world hunger, AIDS, and nuclear war can be overwhelming, but I’m hoping my kiddos will get a glimpse of what can be accomplished or changed by even small efforts. 

I will always love Fridays and the heralding of a weekend ahead. But looking further down the lane at those “leading indicators”? Well, I hope my kids will grow up remembering that Every Monday Matters.